Who Am I?

Posted bymalcolmsmusingscomPosted inUncategorized

Recently Jack spent several days in hospital; now he’s home, awaiting urgent surgery. His physical illness is affecting his mental health. Yesterday he said that he doesn’t recognise himself, quoting Shakespeare’s King Lear who says: ‘Doth any here know me? This is not Lear. Doth Lear walk thus, speak thus?…’

From being undisputed King and ruler of his kingdom, Lear’s power and dignity are slipping away. Lear doesn’t recognise himself and asks: ‘Who is it that can tell me who I am?’

Lear and Jack ask, ‘Who am I?’

Many ask ‘Who am I?’… the grandchildren leaving home, going to university… the young woman staying home, looking after a new baby… the gent retiring after working for fifty years… the friend living with bereavement or acknowledging dementia…

Jean Valjean asks ‘Who am I?’ in Les Misérables. Another man’s on trial accused of crimes that Valjean has committed. If Valjean confesses to his true identity there could be life-changing consequences…

Answering ‘Who am I?’ for me involves:

Courage: When I was a Headteacher, a church leader, a treasurer I knew who I was. Now it’s not so straightforward. Asking the question, when I might not like the answer takes courage.

Honesty. I must face up to the way things are. Honesty may bring discomfort or pain. Today I’m not the man I was.  I don’t have the physical strength or stamina, the mental sharpness or capacity I once had.

Gratitude: I look back. Remembering my journey, I see who I have been and how I’ve become who I am now. I have so much to be grateful for.

Hope: With Valjean I say:

My soul belongs to God, I know
I made that bargain long ago
He gave me hope when hope was gone
He gave me strength to journey on…

Contentment: St Paul said: ’I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation…’ However, I answer ‘Who am I?’ I must be content. I’m still working on that…

17 thoughts on “Who Am I?”

  1. I’ve been contemplating that as well, noting that so much of who we are is defined by relationships–Dan’s mom, Doris’s daughter, someone’s friend.

    Best of all: And a child of God!

    Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. We are all children of God. – John 1: 12-13

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. You’re right, Joy. When I was a boy, I was always ”Chris’ brother’. 25 years later I was Jo’s dad. The other week I was Luca’s grandad… And yes, if I were dealing with the subject as a Bible Study, I would certainly look at our identities ‘in Christ’ with texts such as the John 1. Good point!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  2. “Asking the question, when I might not like the answer takes courage.”

    I still have about 6 1/2 years, before teacher retirement—Lord willing—but have begun to question myself similarly, as well.

    What will be my legacy?
    Who will help my wife and me, if we can no longer adequately care for ourselves? (our sons live 3 states away).

    Perhaps the next words out of Paul’s pen (after Phil 4:12) hold a clue:

    “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

    Yes, I’m preaching now—to myself. 😊

    Frankly, I treasure how you keep things real, Malcolm. You don’t shy away from showing a little vulnerability, opening the curtains on your own hopes and concerns.

    Anyway, your readers are the better for it, at least I am.
    🤗

    Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Great thoughts, David – thank you. My challenge each day is ‘where was God yesterday, and what could he teach me through it?’ It’s too easy to churn out stuff that I’ve known for the past 60 years. It doesn’t make old truths any less important or valuable, but for me my faith has to be real and renewed each day.
      And yes. You’re right – that to understand the Philippians 4 quote it needs to be put in context – which gives us even more to reflect on with gratitude.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

    2. David, my favorite Guy and I will be 80 next year. He’s dealing with Parkinson’s, and fibromyalgia has lived with me for nearly 2 dozen years. Our only child lives in another state with his family. Trusting the Lord gets real, doesn’t it! #aginggratefully

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  3. My “who am I?” journey started (the rocky part) upon an injury where I was released from my job. No money, a family, 2 pending surgeries and a lot of “wait there’s more bad news” around Lifes corner.?
    My prayer “Lord what am I good for?” eventually turned to asking God “Who am I?”
    I found I should have been asking God that question much sooner. I’m sure everyone’s journey is quite differently the same with a host of potential good to bad outcomes. Courage and honesty are not minor ingredients.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Excellent. Thanks, Gary. The courage and honesty, I find, are necessary to move away from the ‘Who was I?’ ‘Who do I wish I was?’ or ‘Who should I be?’ to the reality of ‘Who am I?’ now, today – and ‘How can I be my best self?’

      Liked by 3 people

      Reply

      1. So did Jack and Jean also have to go up the hill? If so,, what for? Was that a necessary part of discovering who they were?

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a comment