Fathers and Their Children

Musing on yesterday… conversations about fathers…

Abusive fathers… At our Men’s Shed older men talked about their fathers. Some remembered fathers who treated them and their mum’s badly – physical and verbal aggression… spending their money at the pub rather than on their families. Children were afraid of their father.

Absent fathers… Previous Lowestoft generations had fathers who went to sea, fishing; many went to war. More recently local fathers have been employed in offshore work. Yesterday I heard of fathers leaving home because of broken relationships… fathers absent with their mates down the pub… fathers, who when physically present at home, were absent mentally, emotionally… Children didn’t know their father.

Active fathers… Yesterday afternoon out in the garden I could hear two fathers playing with their young children. It was a joy to hear… Children kicking footballs, bouncing on trampolines… running round the garden laughing… Dad apologising when balls come over the fence… Children and father actively involved together.

Affectionate fathers… Chatting with an elderly neighbour the conversation turned to his relationship with his father… ‘He was a good man, but he never showed us any affection’. The football-playing dads were very different. There was physical and emotional connection… Children and father openly affectionate.

Appreciative fathers… Men’s Shed gents spoke with pride and appreciation about children and grandchildren. Yesterday evening I was with Rob, who’s divorced, in his 40’s. His girlfriend has a son from a previous marriage; Rob has a really good relationship with him… Child and ‘father’ appreciating a positive affirming relationship.

Aspirational fathers… I started yesterday reflecting on Wynne Lyon’s ‘Finding my Father’s Faith’ and her relationship with her father… their mutual love, respect and understanding… I’ve reflected on my relationship with my father, grateful for the example he set me… Children aspiring to be like their father.

I’m left Musing… On what sort of father (and grandfather) I have been and am… and on my heavenly Father and what sort of Father he is to me.