I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields…

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

Life’s a journey, a race, a battle, a game… In this old U2 song it’s a quest…

I spent my working life in education, encouraging, developing… I’ve been a learner all my life, enjoying learning about education, theology…

I’ve looked for physical fitness. For many years I enjoyed running. I’m really grateful that I’m still in good health… But my body and mind aren’t as sharp as they were.

The writer of the ancient book of Ecclesiastes looked for meaning to life in knowledge, wisdom, pleasure, work, possessions…  concluding: ‘It’s all meaningless’ … I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips…

I’m grateful for a happy marriage that has lasted for nearly 50 years. I’ve children and grandchildren who are close; enjoyed human love in my family…

I have deeply valued, close relationships with friends that I’ve known for decades; folk who have known me and stood by me, sharing my journey, my quest. I’m blessed and privileged.

I started life with the idealised love of pop-songs and the patient, kind, humble, forgiving, trusting, persevering love of my Christian faith… I haven’t lived up to my own standards… I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

You broke the bonds and you loosed the chains
Carried the cross of my shame
You took the blame
You know I believe it

Some Christians suggest that they have the complete, permanent experience or knowledge of God through prayer, worship, communion, service, correct teaching, meditation. I haven’t.

Christian author Pete Grieg, writing about this song points to King David’s words: ‘You are my God; eagerly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my flesh faints for you, as in a barren and dry land where there is no water.’ (Psalm 63:1)

Musing… My Christian faith still gives me purpose, direction and hope.… but I still haven’t found what I’m looking for…  I continue my quest.

6 thoughts on “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

  1. “We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” T.S. Eliot, Little Gidding. When we are finally able to look back at our lives we shall see Christ’s footprints in the sand; then we shall finally know what we’ve always tried to believe, that: ‘Christ is all and is in all’ (Col.3.11). Searching is everything!


  2. Yes, but are life, truth and hope what we’re really searching for (that’s Base Camp stuff)? I think we’re looking to go higher still, to ultimate union with the Godhead, what Wilber calls Atman, (like a river flowing into the sea). To arrive where we started and know it for the first time is a privilege and destiny. ‘You were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory’ (Eph.1.13-14) .


  3. “Thou hast made us for thyself, O LORD, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee.” St. Augustine of Hippo.

    “There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of each man which cannot be satisfied by any created thing but only by God the creator, made known through Jesus Christ.” Blaise Pascal

    I guess we’re not the only questers!


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