Walking Towards Our Fears

Gordon was a lovely man whose funeral we attended yesterday. It was said:

‘Gordon was consistent in his faith and character… The person he was as a respected magistrate, in the Juvenile Court, working at Birds Eye, on a local high school appeals board, in his home and family, was the person we knew and loved in church – dependable, honest, caring and attentive to detail.’

It was good to talk about Gordon to friends and family. I used to fear talking about death. With practice it’s got easier.

Throughout my life I was confident and comfortable speaking to large groups of people. Ten years ago, a series of events shook this confidence. For years I didn’t speak publicly, not knowing if I could or should.

Yesterday I was asked to pay tribute to Gordon on behalf of the church. Embracing my fears I was honoured to say:

‘This was Gordon’s church… Gordon was an example to us all, showing us how a real Christian speaks and acts, demonstrating what a Christian looks like…’

Yesterday evening I returned to church for ‘Creative Journaling’. Esther led the evening with confidence and creative expertise. As an artist, her emphasis was on paint, glue, colour and self-expression through art.

Since my last school art lesson sixty years ago I have intentionally, sometimes energetically, avoided personal participation in creative art.

Esther invited us to start the assigned activity. Others started with enthusiasm, finding the activity therapeutic. Faced with my worst nightmare I was fearful and anxious. I tentatively walked towards it…

Throughout yesterday I had far-ranging conversations… Many folks have had experience of church, Christians and faith over the years, but they’ve walked away from them, to the extent that it becomes something to be avoided, a fear.

Gordon taught me… When things didn’t go well at church, when Gordon wasn’t happy, he kept coming, he still contributed. It was still his church. Rather than walking away from church, Christians and faith he intentionally walked towards the problems, difficulties and fears.