The Living Years

‘The Living Years’ is a beautiful, thought-provoking ‘Mike and the Mechanics’ song about a son-father relationship. Written by Mike Rutherford and BA Robertson after both their fathers had recently died, it was originally sung by Paul Carrack, whose father died when he was just 11-years-old.

This version by The Isaacs caused me to reflect on it further.

Every generation Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations Come beating on your door

I know that I’m a prisoner To all my Father held so dear
I know that I’m a hostage To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got

You say you just don’t see it He says it’s perfect sense
You just can’t get agreement In this present tense
We all talk a different language Talking in defence

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It’s too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye

I’m challenged every time I hear this song. It’s about unresolved conflict, living with regret, failing to communicate as we want to or should do. We blame the other person, become defensive as we explain our attitudes and in-action; we procrastinate, put off the difficult conversation… especially in families

And then it’s too late for saying the words we wished we’d said, for listening more carefully, for attempting communication and resolution.

So we open up a quarrel Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future It’s the bitterness that lasts

So don’t yield to the fortunes You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective On a different day
And if you don’t give up, and don’t give in You may just be OK.

I wasn’t there that morning When my Father passed away
I didn’t get to tell him All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit Later that same year
I’m sure I heard his echo In my baby’s new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It’s too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye

Later this morning I shall go to church, a place that proclaims a gospel of love, joy and forgiveness – that I believe and have experienced. And yet, too often, I’ve had Christian friends who live with regret, unresolved conflict, past darknesses and deeply hidden sadnesses. Sometimes I’m there myself.

My ‘living years’ are decreasing. This morning I’m praying that I might be better at broaching the difficult conversation, listening – particularly to those who I disagree with, acknowledging disagreement graciously, seeking fresh understanding and resolution… and building bridges of connection, not walls of separation.