The Curse of the Christmas Jumper

Years ago Christmas TV Specials included the occasional Christmas jumper. Val Doonican or Andy Williams would entertain us wearing festive designs of reindeer and snowmen, bringing feelings of warmth, comfort, homeliness.

Christmas jumpers – some might call them Christmas sweaters – became a joke. On TV, at Christmas events, folks would wear jumpers that demanded attention. We laughed as they became more outrageous and tasteless.

In recent years many decided to purchase and wear their own. It’s a bit of festive fun. We attend events where we’re encouraged to ‘wear your Christmas jumper’. Schools and workplaces have ‘Christmas Jumper Day’ where staff and students are all expected to turn up appropriately clothed.

I’ve been wondering why Christmas jumpers have multiplied. I have several theories…

…Christmas jumpers are a political movement. They started as a mainstream, ordinary group of jumpers with socially acceptable principles. In recent years they’ve become more extreme. Terrorist groups of Christmas jumpers meet in secret, planning for world domination. This could lead to war.

…Christmas jumpers are a disease. Initially a few people suffered – usually painlessly. Christmas jumpers became increasingly infectious, perhaps contagious; it’s now reached epidemic level. A cure is required. Alongside our winter flu and covid injections we need Christmas jumper vaccinations.

…Christmas jumpers are a malevolent spirit. Instead of witches, werewolves and ghosts there are wicked jumpers worshipping some supernatural evil jumper power. Meddling in the curse of the Christmas jumper can only be redeemed by an ancient spell or a jumper exorcism.

This Christmas I shall continue to avoid wearing Christmas jumpers for my own sanity and safety…

This morning I read Paul’s wise words: ‘Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.’

I’m proposing a new form of Christmas jumper. Instead of pictures of Reindeer and Snowmen, that may require cure, war or exorcism, I’m choosing to wear a Christmas jumper with these five design elements. This jumper seems more Christmassy, less dangerous… and I won’t have to put it away again in a couple of weeks’ time.