Many older folks that I chat to, live with ‘if only’ regrets – If only I hadn’t had such a difficult childhood… If only I had a better education… If only I hadn’t married so young… If only I’d had help with that problem earlier… If only I’d been a better parent…
Living with regrets… in a past that can’t be changed.
This morning I read the story of Jesus and his friend Lazarus… Lazarus was ill. His sisters, Mary and Martha, send a message to Jesus, ‘Come quick!’ Jesus doesn’t. Lazarus dies.
Four days later Jesus turns up. Martha goes out to meet him: ‘If only you had been here my brother wouldn’t have died.’
Conversations yesterday included ‘if only’ regrets of present problems – ‘If only my child were more confident…’ ‘If only she didn’t spread rumours about me…‘ ‘If only my job didn’t treat me so badly…’ ‘If only I didn’t have to face this surgery…’
Living with problems… to which there is no immediate solution.
Mary goes to meet Jesus. She says the same thing: ‘If only you had been here my brother wouldn’t have died.’ As if he doesn’t care.
There’s also ‘the big if only’ about the future… If only I could move away from my neighbours… If only my daughter would finish her education… If only I can keep this diet up… If only I can have a successful operation…
Living with worries… about a future that can’t be predicted
The Jesus story ends with the caring Jesus weeping, the powerful Jesus telling Lazarus to come out of his tomb, and the dead Lazarus walking out of his tomb alive…
Musing… the big if only… accepting things in my past that I can’t change… living with the mystery and tension of many things I don’t understand and have no control over… believing that, in the big picture, good things do come out of bad situations… trusting the God who’s emotionally involved and can do the unexpected and miraculous.
malcolmsmusings.org 
Thank you, Malcolm, for this reminder:
“… believing that, in the big picture, good things do come out of bad situations… trusting the God who’s emotionally involved and can do the unexpected and miraculous.🙏🏻
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Malcolm, this is beautiful. So many live in regret. Just as in the story of Lazurus you shared, “If only.” I use to say, “Why me?” And I now say, “Why not, me?” I’m in good company for the fact we are all human and wish some things would’ve have happened. I also think, “I wouldn’t have this relationship and miraculous healing from God if things hadn’t happened according to his will.” Like your beautiful thoughts, “in the big picture, good things do come.” We serve a mighty big God! Blessings to you! Your wisdom always hits my heart and soul! 🙏🏻
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I needed to be reminded of it too, Lynn. It’s not that we forget or don’t know; it just needs to be shifted to the front of the old memory sometimes!
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You’re right, Karla. Many do live with regrets – on a bad day I certainly go to that place, but then I come back to what I know I know and am re-assured.
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Amen! Me too! Blessings and prayers, my friend!
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“Living with regrets, in a past that can’t be changed.” This is accurate. So why do I sometimes rumminate over missed opportunities or failures that can’t be completely undone? It’s a good thing God is in charge of past, present, and future. As King David said, “My times are in your hands.” Great post, Malcolm. God Bless!
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I guess, David, there is a sense in which I must consider those times when I haven’t been ar my best so that with God’s help I can improve. I’m realising that faith is about handing over our past present and future. Good to remember the Psalm 31 verse – it fits in well.
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By no means do I have this all figured out either, Malcolm. Only by God’s grace can we keep moving in the right direction.
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Comforting to realize Malcolm that our Abba, Who alone knows the beginning and end of everything, never had an “If only” regret, especially when I consider the countless regrets I’ve produced over 8 decades.
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You’re right, Fred. It’s good to know that our Father has a plan for us, and that he can turn round our disappointments and regrets into something positive and good.
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Before making a major decision, I try to ask myself if I will have any “what if’s” in eternity. I wish I had started that a long time ago, as in “what if I had?
I have been determined to not have to say in eternity “what if I believed”
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Thanks, Gary. The ‘what if’ question is certainly a useful guide. I still find that if I overthink it, I start feeling guilty, and need to return to my loving Father.
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“Living with worries… about a future that can’t be predicted”
I found yet another gem on a second reading. Put this way, it makes worrying about the future mostly pointless. Plan, as best you can. Make a decision and move forward. Whatever will be will be, and God is over all.
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You’re absolutely right, David. On a human level we make the best decisions we can and have to move forward. On a spiritual level we involve our God and trust him…
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