The Case of Cricket versus Christianity

(Health warning: Today’s musing is longer than usual!!)

Order! Order! I call this court to order!

My Lord, members of the jury, the case I bring before you this morning, is that Cricket and Christianity are guilty of previously undisclosed similarities. My evidence is drawn from my observations yesterday, when I witnessed Somerset beat Derbyshire by 72 runs, at the City Ground, Derby.

I call eight witnesses:

Specialist Jargon: I listened to the cricket enthusiasts. ‘Silly-mid-off’, ‘Caught in the slips’ ‘Fifty-six-for-six’… Christians seem concerned about ‘Justification’, ‘Journeying mercies’, ‘Jesus coming into your heart’… Both are incomprehensible to normal people…

Disjointed Soundbites: Yesterday’s crowd conversations included, ‘He couldn’t be bothered to shave his head.’ ‘He’s like a fish without a bicycle.’ ‘It’s banana cake again.’ ‘The nurse is waiting for you.’ …I could have been in church.

Damaging Stereotypes: I witnessed couples with their cool-boxes, single men with a scorecard and pen recording every ball bowled. I even witnessed a couple from Somerset discussing cider and The Wurzels… We know that all Christians wear socks with their sandals, eat quiche, and are either perfect Mary Poppins or evil paedophile priests.

Unexpected Danger: The cricket ball was hit in our direction. Some shouted ‘Six!’ in delight. One gent, moving speedily to avoid the dangerous missile was distressed as he dropped his crisps. Jesus said that his followers were to taking up their cross. It sounds pretty dangerous to me.

Impossible Demands: I listened to one gent: ‘I’m on a diet. I want to lose two stone. I’ve got three to go…’ Jesus talked about finding your life by losing it, selling everything you have to follow him. It sounds pretty impossible.

Time Constraints: Yesterday’s crowd came prepared for the whole day – sandwiches, cushions, sun-cream. The game took seven hours; some games can take five days… Some want faith to be fitted in to an occasional five minutes when it’s convenient… Jesus made it clear that faith’s a long-term commitment.

Team Game: You can’t play cricket on your own! It’s a team game where everybody plays their part. Christianity isn’t an individual pastime with rules to suit the individual. It is played as part of a team, with others, mutually dependent, for the benefit of all.

Public Spectacle: Many enjoyed yesterday’s game. Yesterday’s experience was very public. Although some would like faith to be personal and private it is lived out in the public arena for all to see…

My Lord, members of the jury, I trust that the evidence presented is sufficient to convince you that Cricket and Christianity have inescapable, unparalleled similarities. I therefore request that you find the case of Cricket versus Christianity guilty as charged.