I Don’t Know How To Love Him

I don’t know how to love him,
What to do, how to move him.
I’ve been changed, yes, really changed.
In these past few days when I’ve seen myself
I seem like someone else.

This song challenges me to consider the relationship that Mary Magdalene had with Jesus. It speaks of a love she couldn’t understand or analyse.

This week has been ‘Twelfth Night’; we’ve remembered wise men on a long journey, following a star. Finding Jesus they give him gifts…

Both Mary and the Magi had a transformational encounter with Jesus.

I don’t know how to take this
I don’t see why he moves me.
He’s a man, he’s just a man.
And I’ve had so many men before
In very many ways:
He’s just one more

Mary knew about love and men; Jesus brought her love she had never known or experienced before; the ‘Wise Men’ understood the religious and spiritual; Jesus would extend their wisdom and understanding.

Both had their knowledge, experience and expertise challenged and extended… Mary with the physical and emotional, the Magi with the intellectual and spiritual…

Don’t you think it’s rather funny
I should be in this position?
I’m the one who’s always been
So calm, so cool, no lover’s fool
Running every show
He scares me so.

This morning, I come with Mary’s failures and insecurities, with the Magi’s dogged determination, with my own confused questions… I can only love Jesus because he teaches me about love and shows me love; I can only understand Jesus with the wisdom he gives me.

I have my epiphany, my revelation… I bring my love, my gifts, my wisdom… I’m humbled, realising that what he gives me is so much more.  

Yet, if he said he loved me
I’d be lost, I’d be frightened.
I couldn’t cope, just couldn’t cope.
I’d turn my head, I’d back away,
I wouldn’t want to know –
He scares me so.
I want him so.
I love him so.