I Am Not Who I Was

Poet and author Michael Rosen spent weeks in hospital on a ventilator, in an induced coma; he nearly died from Covid. Eventually, recovering at home he wrote:

I am not who I was.
I am who I was.
This is not me.
This is me.

I am now the person
who had Covid:
the thing that came in March

I am now the person
who disappeared
in April and May…

He was the same Michael Rosen – he knew the person he was; however his experience of Covid and near-death had changed him. He was a different Michael Rosen.

Musing… recent conversations… friends who’ve been through life changing experiences:

  • Bereavement… death of a parent, husband, wife, child… coming to terms with, living through, moving on…
  • Divorce… new relationships with children, ex-husband/wife… new freedoms, new restrictions…
  • Moving… to university, a new home… away from established friendships, the known to the unknown…
  • Illness… life-threatening or life-restricting… totally changing life style or life expectations…
  • Finance… losing or receiving a large amount of money… changing future options
  • Addiction… food, drugs, sex… recovering, adapting, moving on…

They remain the same, their families, their character and personality, strengths and weaknesses, experiences of life… Radical change to their situation means that they change… re-directing their lives, re-discovering themselves, re-inventing themselves… different ‘seasons’ of life…

Musing… my own life… 25 years ago I was producing and directing a musical I had co-written… 15 years ago I was a headteacher leading a school… 10 years ago I was a church leader in a church without a minister…  

Today I’m a very different man. I look back at the man I was. Sometimes I don’t recognise him. Like Michael Rosen ‘I am not who I was. I am who I was.’

Musing… St Paul… expresses his faith and hope in an uncertain, changing present and future: ‘We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.’

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